Secret Meeting of the FANFICTION authors
by monicaa of the desert
Summary: The Secret Meeting of the FANFICTION authors begins! Tonights Subject: The Mary-Sue. Enter only if you dare, and bring your anti-n00b spray.


_Well, here it is! My first posted fanfiction! Oooh I'm so excited! :D_

_DISCLAIMER: I do not own Harry Potter, or any other of the fandoms that are probably mentioned here. I only own my mind, which isn't that much to brag about._

--

There is a dimly lit room with no windows, and one door. Various FANFICTION authors file in, looking confused and talking amongst themselves. The various "set" fanfic authors go to separate areas of the room, eyeing the others wearily. A few yaoi writers break away from their groups and enjoy a quick squee with a friend before going back to their places, grinning.

Two FANFICTION authors are standing near the front of the room, where it is lit the most. They are talking quietly to each other, while standing beside a large covered crate that shakes every once and a while. The other FANFICTION authors glance at it, and start edging away.

"Alright, everyone." One of the FANFICTION authors waves the others to silence; "I suppose you're wondering why we've called you here today."

"I kno I have!!" says one, a rather ditzy female, "Woold you hurry up?! I has a self-insertion fanfic to write for Harry Potter! Me and Draco totally get it on! But that's only after I single handedly save the wizarding world from my long-lost father, Voldymort!!"

There is a stunned silence, then, a Harry Potter FANFICTION author pulls out their wand, and avada-kedavras them.

"Thank you." The other FANFICTION author says, rolling her eyes, "She was starting to piss me off."

"Anyways," says the first one, eyeing the dead body on the floor, "...now I've gone and forgotten what I was going to say."

"Why we're here." Whispers the second FANFICTION author.

"Oh right." The first FANFICTION author rubs her neck, blushing, "Anyways. We've called this secret meeting of all FANFICTION authors to show you something important."

The FANFICTION authors murmur in interest, drawing closer together. Some of them pull out notebooks, while others pull out glasses so that can see better through eyes that have been staring at screens for too long.

The second FANFICTION writer approaches the large quivering box with caution. A voice can now be heard inside it, shouting.

"Hay! LET ME OUT OF HERE!! I SWEAR I SHALL KILL-" The voice is silenced by a swift kick to the crate from the second FANFICTION author.

"I give you-" The first author spreads her arms wide, and the second one grabs the sheet covering the box, pulling it off.

There is a collected gasp from the other FANFICTION authors, and a thump as some of the ones with weaker stomachs pass out.

"...A Mary-Sue."

There is a figure seen in the open end of the box. She-for this person could not be mistaken for a male- is quite pretty, with unusually colored hair and eyes. She is wearing fashionable clothing, and carrying a wand. The girl points her wand at the front of the box, and shoots multi-colored sparks. The sparks bounce off an invisible barrier, and singe the girls perfect hair.

"How many times do I have to tell you?" The first FANFICTION author states, bored, "This box is immune to any spell, curse, death note, animal form, jutsu, kekkei genkai, godly power, or feet of strength you can throw at it. You can't get out, so sit down and shut. Up."

Silence

"That was harsh, man." Says the second FANFICTION author

"It had to be said."

One of the FANFICTION authors in the crowd raises a hand, "What is it, exactly?"

"This, my fellow author, is what we like to call a Mary-Sue."

The girl in the box nears the front of the barrier, "Hey! My name isn't Mary! It's Celena Starbright! I demand that you let me out of here right now!"

"Riiiiiight." The second FANFICTION writer rolls her eyes, "We've captured this specimen of a Mary Sue for your observation. My fellow author," she indicates the first FANFICTION author, who salutes, "Risked life, limb, and sanity for you to see this."

"Why, you ask?" The first FANFICTION author interrupts, "So that you can see what will happen if you are not careful in the creation of OC's or Original Characters."

"Celena, was it?" Says the second FANFICTION author, glaring at the first FANFICTION author for interrupting, "Tell us about yourself."

'Celena' primps her hair, "Well, as you can see, I'm a Gryffindor from Harry Potter. I'm his long-lost half-sister that was born through James cheating on Lily with a muggle girl. Voldemort found out about me, and tried to kill me as well, but it totally didn't work, resulting is this scar on my forehead." She lifts her bangs, and a scar can be seen.

"Cute isn't it?" Celena giggles and continues, "I was born in America, and came to Hogwarts for my seventh year, because Dumbledore said I could."

As she speaks, various FANFICTION authors are creating windows to jump out of, and fighting to get through the door from sheer revulsion. The door gets clogged with authors, so the rest resort to creating barriers, and forts, hiding. The ones who are brave enough to stay are sitting mortified, watching this... thing speak.

"Draco Malfoy fell in love with me as soon as he saw me, and we're dating now, despite the fact that I'm Gryffindor, and he's Slytherin." She tossed her impossible colored hair over her shoulder.

"I'm good at every subject, my hair is naturally this color, the same with my eyes." She flutters her eyelashes, "Oh! And my animagus form is a flying unicorn, I can speak to animals, and I'm a vampire."

There is, once again, silence.

"Well," says the first FANFICTION writer in the stunned silence, "We also know that she's a good fighter. Look at the scar she gave me when we caught her." She raises her arm, a purple line is seen, running from wrist to elbow, "I don't know why its that color, though."

"It's a special magical thing I have," said Celena, "and you deserved it. You ruined my date with Draco!"

"I think that's enough of that." Says the second FANFICTION writer, throwing the sheet back over the crate, "Did we all learn something, today?"

Silence.

"I think it's best if we just leave them." Says the second FANFICTION writer, "Help me with this crate. We have to get 'Celena' here back to her Draco."

"Alright." Together they lift the crate, and leave through the back door.

"D'you think we stop off in Middle Earth and drop her off the Bridge of Kazah-dum?" Says the second FANFICTION writer, hopefully.

"...I don't think so."

"Damn."

--

_Thus ends the first of many (hopefully)_

_You like? Tell me! Just push that lovely button at the bottom of the screen. Good reviews get virtual muffins. Flames will be forwarded to all my friends and laughed at._

_Props to whoever spots the Robin Hood: Men in Tights reference. I'd be amazed if you did, cause its only a minor reference. _

_-MotD _


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